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But no one can promise that.  So I'll just say I love you, all the days I can...

Love is not binding; it is fluid, dynamic, and evolves with the chemistry of two people. I make a choice each day to love and who I am day to day determines my partner’s love for me. And in that fragility we come to know the true nature of being alive, that nothing is permanent, and the Buddhist knowledge that clinging to anything is suffering. We stay in loveless relationships, or despise those that stop loving us because we want permanence, and in doing so, live a life of unhappiness, anger, or resentment.


A fundamental rule of our existence is change and sadly decay. I try to adopt this in my thinking, hoping it empowers me and adds a little fearlessness to my spirit. Everything is in a constant state of change. Love is NO different. If you are lucky, you evolve with your partner, but inertia in a relationship is something I fear more than the act of letting go. Inertia is the worst state. It is entrapment, stagnation, without the possibility of rebirth, or change. It causes cruelty, regret, deception, and monotony. I have seen this in marriages, and in many ways, splitting up can be an act of bravery and in some cases an act of loving the person you’re with enough to want their happiness and your own.

We make a choice to love each other over and over again in the face of these universal laws, in much the same way we try to live our lives courageously in the face of mortality. All good things (our health, our intellect, our friendships, our career) come from the effort we exert, and we see their demise when our grip on it is slackened. Acknowledging love can end, avoiding words like forever, is simultaneously allowing us to use this fragility to love consciously and spiritually. In this I find the profound, the passion, and the vulnerability that keeps me inspired, in love, actively. We want to believe things are eternal but as humans we do not have any claims to eternity; we only have the present. If we want a fulfilling experience here on earth for ourselves, and our partner, then we should embrace the immeasurability and mystery of our future and focus on today.  And by focusing on today and understanding this fragility, it allows us to keep a watchful eye on our not take it for granted. 

Also, love is no less beautiful if it were to fade one day; it is not negated because people fall out of love or because of what follows. Everything expands from the point of falling in love, like the big bang. My ex-boyfriends, because of a random chemistry, collided with me and caused something in my heart to burst. And though those relationships ended, I am still expanding from them. The particles from my meeting each one still encircles me. They have not dispersed. I see them flickering all around, giving me reminding glimpses into my capacity to love.


Carrying this philosophy has created moments of euphoria. It challenges me to love altruistically and without rules. I cannot promise to love someone forever. So bittersweet, as life and nothing in it is forever.


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